So, we had little (well, not so little) Chris stay with us for a week. At first I wondered how we were going to make it, but by the end of the week, I wanted him to stay longer. And now that he has left, I find myself missing him a lot.
I have wanted kids now for about 10 years now. Lately, I find myself becoming a little distant from the concept of “family.” After trying so hard to have a child, and finally letting that go - and now waiting for the time when adoption seems financially possible…I’m becoming cynical about the whole thing. But having Chris here made me realize what a large hole I have in my life. I have so much to be thankful for, and yet there is this intense aching….
So, what do we do? After Chris left, we watched Meet Joe Black, one of my favorite movies, but if I was holding back any of my feelings of longing for family, the end of that movie made me face it. I could almost imagine what it was like to look at my fathers face again…something I haven’t done since before he died almost 16 years ago.
And now, after sobbing for about an hour… I’m ready to face the fact that I still really want a child. There’s a lot of love in there that is still looking for a home.
Posted by paula at July 13, 2002 10:30 PM | TrackBack